It's only beer, dear

The ex-footballer turned Celebrity Love Island canoodler turned ice dancer Lee Sharpe and me go back a long way.

I remember once I helping him out of a tight spot in a nightclub in Nottingham where I ran a night. He and his mates were causing a bit of low-level trouble in the VIP area and the management muscled in and wanted him to leave. Lee had brought this on himself - because he'd been having a laugh pouring beer into the hood of a top worn by an unsuspecting girl. Only when she noticed she started kicking up a stink. I smoothed things over with her and the club bosses so that Lee could carry on enjoying his evening without any more mischief.
He reminded me of this the other week when he came in to my bar, Fibre, for a friend's birthday do at which a few bottles of £225 Cristal got guzzled. Re-telling the tale to his mates, they thought it was hilarious. I wonder where that girl is now? Lee and his gang stayed all night at Fibre but I'm happy to say he didn't try to tip any alcohol down anyone's hood. There might be two reasons for that ... one, people dress to impress at Fibre and don't slouch around in hoodies, and two, Cristal's a bit expensive to be pouring anywhere except your mouth!


Can we get the bill, please?

Everyone's been talking about the new Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill that includes a new offence of incitement to hatred on grounds of sexual orientation. Sounds like good news for the gay community and extra back-up in cases of homophobia. But not everyone supports it. Ann Widdecombe is one of a small group of Christian MPs who think they should be allowed to pass opinion on other people's lifestyles and want an amendment to that effect. Yet if I started opining about what Ann Widdecombe gets up to in her free time you'd rightly think: "Yeah but that's none of your business, Terry."

Gareth's getting married

Former Pop Idol star Gareth Gates proposed to dancer Suzanne Mole on New Year's Eve and the couple have agreed to tie the knot a year on. Gareth, 23, and Suzanne, 32, have been dating for five years. Have you noticed that people, ridiculously, still raise an eyebrow when they're presented with a happy heterosexual couple where the female is the older of the two? No-one notices when it's the other way round, or in same-sex relationships. I wonder why that is ... ? At least she's not old enough for shop assistants to mistake her for his mum - which happened to a mate of mine's partner in PC World, much to everyone's embarrassment.
"Ooh, they can be like this at that age, he's just like my son," joked the employee, when the younger partner said something that suggested he was picky about his computer accessories. "He's not my son," was the reply. Oops!